I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
