Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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