Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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