Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
