One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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