My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
