When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
