I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
