Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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