I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
