I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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