i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
