You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
