ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
