There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
