I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
