Got a toothbrush?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
