I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
