It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
