Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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