You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
