And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
