well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm at about main and main street
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
