hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
