Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
