Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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