I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
