whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
