theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
