Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
