What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
