I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is Oprah even human
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
