so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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