Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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