Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
