Porn is love you can see.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
