i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
