so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
