she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
