it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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