Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
