Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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