Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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