yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
