she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
