I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
