Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
