somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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