Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
