Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
