I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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