wanna go halves on a baby?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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