Got a toothbrush?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
